Welcome Back! Today we interviewed Anshu Ravula, an LPC, about her perspective on South Asian Mental Health as a therapist herself. We hope that you can take away advice from our post and take action against the stigmas of Mental Health
Tell Us About Yourself!
My name is Anshu Ravula. I’m a first generation Indian-American. I was born in India and I moved here when I was four. I’m also Telugu and a Kuchipudi dancer. I’m a licensed professional counselor or therapist.
What inspired you to become a therapist?
I actually noticed at a very young age that I had a little bit of anxiety. But everyone would say, “you’re just stressed,” and that’s the kind of language that people would always use. Honestly, there wasn’t much information about mental health back in the day. I started to notice it in my family as well and later when I got to high school, I realized that there’s a serious need for mental health services in the South Asian community. No one talks about it because no one knows about it and we are lacking education and access to resources because there aren’t that many South Asian therapists. So I said:
If we need to see a change, I need to start it.
If I immerse myself into psychology, I can help other people and there will be a chain reaction and people will start to learn more about it.
Growing up, was your mental health prioritized by your family? If not, how did you cope with it?
Like I mentioned before, mental health was not even a thing back in the day. My parents did their best; they knew what emotions were like sadness, happiness, and anger. Whenever I was having a bad day or my brother was having a bad day, they would say “okay we'll make you feel better by taking you out for dinner.” Instead of talking about it they would try to distract us. But they weren’t trying to avoid it, that’s just how they grew up, so they did that with us too. My mental health was prioritized in the sense that my parents definitely cared when I wasn’t feeling my best or when I was feeling down. They definitely did their best, but there were times where they would say “you shouldn’t be so upset because you have everything. You have food, water, shelter, clothes on your back, and parents that love you. You should be fine.” Obviously they acknowledged it but we didn’t talk about it. There wasn’t really a conversation.
Without going into too much detail, someone in our immediate family was dealing with depression and no one really had the education behind it so they were afraid of it. We had to bring our heads together and figure out what to do. I was the one who had a lot of knowledge behind psychology and they turned to me and I suggested seeing a therapist. Everyone said “that’s so bad.”
I had to explain that seeing a therapist is not something negative.
Actually, it takes a lot of courage to go to therapy because there are so many things that you process. You go really deep into your past and you talk about really serious topics that you probably won’t talk about to your immediate family and friends. That definitely was the spark that started it all.
How do you feel about the stigmas of mental health in the South Asian Community?
There’s definitely a glaring stigma within our community. I understand why it’s there too because our parents' generation came to this country and they focused on surviving. What they needed to do was to establish themselves in their career, build a home, and make sure that they built a life that had all of these aspects. They believe that if you have shelter, food, and water and your parents provide for you, you shouldn’t have any mental health issues. This idea was then forced onto our generation and it turned into a cycle and we started to believe it. Our parents said therapy is for people with severe mental illnesses like schizophrenia, OCD, PTSD etc. They think people that have more common mental illnesses like depression and anxiety don’t need to see anyone because “they’re fine.” I think that’s why there is a lot of stigma behind it. With all of that said, I do believe that we are slowly getting better. I feel like millennials, which is my generation, and Gen-Zers, which is your generation, are slowly but surely breaking the cycle. They’re seeking therapy and talking about mental health which is a great start to a huge change in the future. Unfortunately, our parents' generation won’t see a change, but I think our generation will definitely see a change, and I think it’s already happening.
How can we break down the stereotype that having a therapist makes you weak in the SA Community?
I think the idea that having a therapist equals weakness boils down to the idea that seeking help means that you’re weak.
But let’s break it down for a second. If we break a bone and seek help for our physical health, that isn’t looked down upon. So then why is that acceptable, but not getting help for your mental health? Your bone is a part of your body and so is your brain? Logically that should be acceptable. One idea that I would like to explain to people is that with the perception that “therapy equals weakness” is that therapy is not just for people with severe mental illnesses. It’s also for people living with more common mood disorders like depression, bipolar disorder, and dysthymia. It’s also for people that have none of those mental health issues either and just need a safe space, that’s non judgemental to talk about their life experience and process their thoughts and emotions.
A really important point that I want to make is that just because you are going to therapy, doesn’t mean that you’re broken.
You're not something that needs to be fixed. You’re just someone who is processing their experiences. Sometimes it’s hard to tell the truth to your loved ones because you care about what they think about you. Therapy is a place for you to put your thoughts and opinions out and have an unbiased opinion.
How can South Asian parents be more open to convos about Mental Health?
I’m gonna talk to you like I’m talking to them. Parents, just like how you expect your kids to listen to you, give them a chance to speak, and listen to them. I want you to know that your kids wanting to seek therapy is no way a poor reflection of your parenting. I feel like parents automatically assume that if their child wants to go to therapy, it’s because their child has a problem with them. Think of it as a collaborative meeting to have improvements in your relationships; I explain it as an office meeting. Why do we have work meetings? It’s so everyone can get on the same page and do what they can to improve to the main goal. Your kids love and respect you, they appreciate you, and know how hard you work.
Within all this chaos, parents think that us disagreeing with them means we don’t care about them.
That obviously is not the case, we still respect you, but we can still have different feelings. I also like to tell parents that their kids have experiences that don’t involve them, and sometimes they do involve them. So therefore, give them the right to say what they want, and be there to listen to them. Mental Health is still health that still needs to be taken care of. I feel like kids your age, and adults my age know a lot about Mental Health because of the amount of access they have to it. So parents, use this as an opportunity to allow your child to teach you about Mental Health. Keep an open mind, instead of dismissing your child’s emotions.
How do you think the lack of education on mental health for our parents has affected our relationships with them?
I think that not even parents, but people have a serious fear of the unknown. People tend to avoid or deny its existence. I think the lack of education on Mental Health is making our parents scared of it. That in turn, creates arguments between kids and parents. I feel like this is what starts it.
I also believe that a lot of parents already live with mental health disorders.
Since they lacked that education, they don’t even know that they have any problems. In Telugu, people say “naku stress vastundi” or “naku chantinvastundi” (I am feeling stressed, my chest is tightening). That literally translates into anxiety, but they don't know that these are the symptoms of anxiety. They brush these symptoms off as stress and temporary pain. I think it would be beneficial for the parent-child relationship if the parents would actually educate themselves about mental health. If you go through this learning experience about mental health together, it doesn’t seem like you're telling them what to do. It feels like you as a family are learning together. I feel like South Asian parents often say “you’re the child, you’re supposed to listen to me,” but we can all definitely learn together.
Is this lack of education why parents think we are just overreacting? How can we break this perception?
They definitely feel like we’re overreacting or we are too sensitive. What you can do is educate them the way your teachers educate you. Assume that they know nothing about Mental Health, and start from the bottom, and go up. Explain what mental health is and why it's important to talk about. I know that other people may think, “oh it’s not my job to educate my parents about this, they should just understand.” But, this is wrong because many South Asian parents genuinely don’t understand our experiences. Let’s get real: you’re not telling your parents everything. This is why there’s this communication gap. It's important to teach them like you teach a little kid ABCs; your parents know nothing about Mental Health compared to you, and if we want change, we have to teach them about it starting from the basics.
How is the South Asian community’s obsession with societal opinions dangerous to this generation’s mental health?
For example, your parents grew up a certain way because their parents said “Don't do this otherwise people will talk badly about you.” Your great grandparents told your grandparents “Live your life only this way because otherwise people will talk about you.” And this is where the issue started; people keep passing that fear down to the next generation. They make this such a big deal that we have anxiety because of it: because we care so much about other people’s opinions. Luckily, I do see a shift in the paradigm. I see kids and Gen-Zers standing up to their parents and explaining that they are going to do what they want.
Log Kya Kahenge will be a phrase that will never be used in the generation our children grow up in.
If you explain to your parents that the worry of what others’ will think started somewhere, they may actually understand you.
What’s your advice for South Asian teens/ young adults who struggle with their mental health but can’t talk to their family?
In summary, talk to your parents, and if that doesn't work, there are other ways to go about asking for help. If finances are an issue, Taking Control Counseling Services (located in N Aurora, IL) has graduate students as acting therapists for $10 per session. If you don't feel comfortable telling your parents, and they are not accepting of therapy, you can do this since you don’t need insurance. There are other resources online to find South Asian therapists like, southasiantherapists.org or Psychology Today.
If you feel that there's an opportunity to educate your parents, make a powerpoint. Give them the scientific facts behind mental health, and teach them in a nice way so they’ll listen. I feel like our parents get a bad rep because they don’t listen to us, but in the end they do love us. So if we are passionate about something, I feel like our parents will definitely listen.
You can also do a lot of self care on
your own. You can research a lot of articles about anxiety and depression, and learn about it yourself. Obviously I don't encourage self therapy, because it's not too helpful. You can for sure do self care, and find what works best for you. I understand how difficult it is when parents don’t accept the fact that you want to seek therapy. But there are many
resources out there, and I can help find what works best for you as well.
How do you think Gen Z South Asians are handling the topic of Mental Health? What can we do better?
I think Gen Z South Asians are doing a great job of talking about Mental Health. They are the generation to break the cycle of silence behind mental health. I want to give a special shout out to South Asian females because they have taken a step further and are seeking help. I've noticed a huge influx in therapy inquiries from South Asian females in the last 6 months: maybe 50% increase!
South Asian women are seeking help and are becoming self aware; they want to make changes in their lives.
I commend them for that! I’m doing a call to action for our amazing South Asian men! I know how hard it is to seek help when society expects you to be the hero, and to have everything figured out. I see you, and I commend you for carrying your struggles on your back, but know that you don't have to do it alone.
It’s hard to accept help for men, so that’s where you start.
It’s okay to seek help.
You’re not broken because you need to seek help. Sometimes it can be therapeutic to talk to someone without having to worry about what they think of you. For men, start with accepting that it’s okay, and talk to your friends about how you’re feeling, and how they’re feeling. It’s hard and awkward, but maybe start doing this with your female friends first, since girls tend to be a bit more open. If therapy is step 7, step 1 is to start talking about your feelings with your friends.
I encourage everyone to start conversations about mental health at very uncomfortable times, like family parties. The more we talk about it, the more normalized it becomes and it is not as scary of a topic.
We would once again like to thank Anshu for giving our audience an amazing list of resources and ways to combat the stigmas of mental health! If you’re interested in seeking professional help, check out InnerWork Wellness, located in Chicago.