Welcome to the first official post of The TikTok Series! Up to 2 times a month, we’ll be interviewing YOUR favorite brown TikTokers, and their perspectives on South Asian Issues. Today, learn more about Palak Miglani and her opinions on Interregional Dating!
How do you think we can change gender stereotypes in South Asian families? (Ex: men should only work; women should stay in the house)
“Stay at home dad gets a lot of backlash because they’re men”
In the South Asian Community, men are considered the authoritative figure of the family, and they are the ones that bring in more of the income. But women have the same exact power to go out and do the same work as men.
“Anyone can do anything”
Palak says that this ideology has been passed on from generation to generation. She believes that as women continue to be more progressive, and stand up for themselves, hopefully we can completely erase these gender roles.
Do you think South Asians should become more receptive to dating outside of the region in South Asia they are from?
“When you live in South Asia, you’re surrounded by people from a certain area, so you grow up with them. Here in America, it’s so diverse. So where you grow up really depends on it”
In the United States, although many of us know how to speak our mother tongue, we all simply communicate in English. Even when we make new friends that speak the same language as us, we continue to talk in English, because it’s the language we know the best. However, in South Asia, based on what region you’re from, people will speak a specific language. Because of that, you are more used to living the same culture, whereas in the USA, there are people from so many different regions that it doesn’t really matter.
“In the end, if you love each other enough and there’s enough respect, you will both be willing to learn about each other’s cultures and it shouldn’t matter”
Palak recently entered a relationship, but she is Punjabi and her boyfriend is Telugu. She had never thought that she would date a South Indian because she felt that someone who was Punjabi or North Indian would be able to relate to her more.
“I thought that my boyfriend and I culturally wouldn’t be able to connect”
But to her surprise, she was actually able to get along with her boyfriend well. She was happy to know that he enjoyed watching Bollywood movies as much as she does, and she has also enjoyed learning about Telugu culture as well.
“When I told my parents I was dating a South Indian, my dad’s first reaction was":
A South Indian?
Palak explained to her parents that even she never saw herself dating someone from a different region of India, but she has learned that it truly isn’t as difficult as she thought.
Growing up did you learn about South Indian culture? If not, when did you start learning about South Indian culture?
“I’m being completely honest, but I was never exposed to South Indian Culture. Mainstream media focuses on North India, more specifically Punjabi culture”
Palak makes a great point that even in the USA, in many big award ceremonies or events, usually Bollywood actors are invited, which makes them more known to the Western World. Because these actors are constantly even portrayed in Hollywood, the main focus is on these North Indian actors.
“I know so many South Indians that know so much about Bollywood and North Indian music, but there are very few North Indians that take the steps to learn about South India, because it’s not shown in mainstream media”
It’s not that North Indians don’t want to learn about South Indian culture, it’s the fact that movies and songs aren’t readily available for them. If there were more emphasis on the South’s film industry, there would for sure be more people interested in watching these movies.
“I learned about where people were from, like the specific regions, but I didn’t get into South Indian movies or music until I met my boyfriend”
Because of her new relationship, Palak has been learning more about Indian culture: parts of it that she didn’t know about before.
“I definitely did not care before, because I didn’t understand the importance, but now I am aware that we do have to take time to learn about others”
Are the cultural differences between North and South India as different as you thought they would be?
“I feel like we haven’t really experienced it as much. I definitely feel like him not knowing Hindi and me not knowing Telugu is not gonna be a problem, but it is something to work around”
Palak described how their differences aren’t as much of a problem as society claims them to be. Even though there is a language barrier, they can still appreciate each other’s culture. He is a big Bollywood fan and she has been listening to more Telugu songs.
How do you think North Indians and foreigners can be more educated about South Indian culture?
“I think as a society we should start bringing South Indian culture into mainstream light. I feel like the change has to start with India or South Asia first before we can expect the rest of the world to know about South Indian culture.”
We could not agree more with Palak’s answer. When people think of India or South Asia as a whole, more often than not, a lot of North Indian culture is portrayed to be the “only” culture of India. There are so many differences in culture and traditions all throughout the many regions of South Asia. It’s time to represent them equally. We also agree that if we want change from the rest of the world it has to start in India/South Asia first. There are so many petty arguments on whether North India is better or whether South India is better, but we all need to accept each other and find ways for more representation for the cultures that are underrepresented.
Growing up did you see internalized racism and anti-blackness in the South Asian community? If so, how do you think our generation can change that?
“Personally, I didn’t have to go through it as much, but I definitely saw it. I think it’s funny because in India people run after fair skin but here, everyone wants to get tan and have color to their skin. I don’t think that mindset is that prevalent in our generation and I hope that continues on for our kids.”
Palak made a great point about the difference in beauty standards here in the United States compared to India. Like she stated, people in India associate fairness with beauty, whereas, in the United States a tan is more desirable than fair skin. We also acknowledge that our generation doesn’t believe as intensely that fair skin means someone is more beautiful than someone with darker skin. However, we were able to come to this conclusion after doing our own research but because a lot of our parents still believe in this beauty standard, it’s hard to say that this concept has been erased from our generation. It is our job to pass on the correct beauty standards to our kids and future generations.
Do you think the brown community on TikTok is toxic?
“I feel like there is definitely a part of it that is toxic. Not just the creators, but the people in the comments.”
Palak went on to describe how in her comment section on her TikTok page she sees several people comparing her to others or asking for her GPA, what colleges she got into, etc. She acknowledges that some people are curious and would genuinely like to know the answers to these questions, but a lot of the time there are people who have an ulterior motive and are looking to compare her with others.
What inspired you to start advocating for Mental Health on your TikTok page?
“Genuinely, it started when one of my really close friends committed suicide. As soon as he committed suicide people started posting on their stories ‘Mental Health is important’, which it is, but why are people doing it now? People would talk about it for 2-3 days and then it goes away. Mental Health is something that should always be talked about, not just in those 2-3 days after losing someone. ”
Palak continues to advocate for mental health on her social media platforms. This is especially important in the South Asian community where mental health is often dismissed by our families. We love what she stands for and hope that she can continue to make people happy and feel like they are understood through her TikToks.
What is your favorite part about being Indian?
“I like this question because being Indian is more than just being Punjabi. We all have our differences but at the end of the day, we are all so connected. Everyone has their own traditions and values but at the end of the day we all celebrate for the same reason.”
We loved this response because at the end of the day we are all family, especially here at The Pasupu!
We asked Palak to talk about one issue that is very important to her right now that she would like to share with our followers.
She believes it is very important for everyone to be educated on the farmers protests currently going on in India. Here are some resources that you can use to educate yourselves!
We hope you enjoyed our very first post of the TikTok Series! Come back this Sunday for our next post on Debunking Fair & Lovely from a scientific point of view! Keep a lookout for our next TikTok Series post next month!