Welcome to the second post of The TikTok Series! Up to 2 times a month, we’ll be interviewing YOUR favorite brown TikTokers, and their perspectives on South Asian Issues. Today, learn more about Ashley R Singh and her opinions on Body Confidence!
Tell us about yourself!
I am a sophomore right now at UW Madison. I am studying industrial engineering which a lot of people find surprising. One aunty asked me the other day, "Oh beta, you’re majoring in TikTok right?" But my major is industrial engineering and I do TikTok on the side and I love content creating.
What inspired you to start your TikTok account?
I always loved scrolling on TikTok and I was always on Brown TikTok. Everything was so relatable and so funny and obviously growing up like South Asians have no representation except for Lilly Singh and JusReign. Last December, my sister was like "Why don’t you start TikTok?" and I said "Oh my god, everyone is going to roast me. I will absolutely not start TikTok." Obviously a few months passed by, I went back to campus and then I came home in March because of everything that was going on.
Then my sister saw how often I was on TikTok. and she said, "I see you making these kinds of skits all the time. Just make one video about it, try one." I was on Sa Re Ga Ma Pa when I was 14 years old so I was like, "Maybe I’ll do a singing account. Maybe I’ll start a Hindi-American fusion account." So I made my intro video and I made a few singing videos and I started going into a lot of different directions. But now I find more joy in comedy and skits and sometimes fashion. But I started because of my sister, and I have her to thank for that!
Tell us about your experiences with feeling insecure about your body hair or South Asian beauty struggles
It’s sad because for me it stemmed when I was 8 or 9 years old.
I made a small video about this because people asked me, "What was something you were made fun of for as a POC?" and mine was my unibrow. I had a really bad unibrow and I was very hairy around the mustache area. I remember these 3 white girls would always roast me for it. They would say things like, "She looks like a rat. She looks like a raccoon. Did you draw that in with Sharpie? Is that real?" I came home crying every day for a week to my mom and I asked her
"Mom, why do I have hair like this?" My parents tried to sit me down and tell me that "It’s good luck in Indian culture! Having a unibrow is literally the significance of beauty and luck. Kajol has a unibrow." They even showed me pictures of her and tried to make me feel better but obviously I didn’t care about that at that age. I just wanted them to stop bullying me. So my mom took me to the salon to get my unibrow removed.
It was insane because now that I think about it, I wish I didn’t get it done at such a young age because I was letting myself be confined by their beauty standards. I was accepting it.
I feel like for the future, my South Asian daughters might have thick hair but I have to teach them that it's normal. I hope when we have kids it’s gonna be the norm by then. I hope we’re gonna have people like that and not just one person like Kajol in Bollywood. Maybe we’ll have more people like that in Hollywood and it’s not just normal, it’s considered beautiful. I feel like every brown girl has been through this issue and it just needs to be normalized.
Did you ever feel pressure while growing up that you have to wax/thread your body?
When a girl comments on your body hair, obviously it hurts. But for some reason, with a guy you’re trying to look extra pretty and you’re trying to have a glamorous look.
When a guy comments on your body hair it’s a different kind of sadness.
Also I feel like watching shows like Jessie, iCarly, and Victorious when we were younger and seeing these skinny white girls, they always looked naturally so flawless. I hate how we call it "clean" which means having no facial hair. I’m clean too even if I have a unibrow! It doesn’t matter how much hair you have. Clean and hygiene are completely separate. Media played a big role in what we saw. We didn’t have any Indian girls growing up to watch. We had Ravi, which was about it, but he was always like a joke which I hated. Why is it funny? Why does he always have to be really good at math or have a strong Indian accent? Why can’t he be just a regular person who happens to be Indian? That’s why I feel like the media, school, and comments like that made me feel like these are the European beauty standards that we just have to fit into.
What are your thoughts on brown boys commenting on brown girls’ bodies and facial hair?
I think it’s so frustrating because with white people, maybe they don’t know. Maybe they’re not aware that we cannot control our facial hair and in some religions, they are not allowed to wax it or get rid of it. Still it’s not okay when white people do it but I guess there’s more of an excuse. But brown people know what this is. Your mom, your sister, your aunt; she’s going through this and she also deals with this.
I think it stems from internalized racism.
They themselves are frustrated with their culture and their identity and they don’t want to take it out on themselves so they are projecting it onto 13 and 14 year old girls on TikTok. These girls are not causing anyone any harm and you see these brown men that are projecting their own insecurities onto them.
I think it’s horrible because when your own people are against each other, where’s the hope? We’re supposed to be there for each other.
It’s such a small group of South Asians already, but at least we can uplift each other and tune out the other noise.
How have you become more accepting/confident in your own skin?
I used to get so insecure when looking at some of these girls while scrolling through TikTok. I used to feel so bad about myself because I was surrounded by all these really skinny girls. Especially South Indian girls because they have this beautiful figure, and I would get super insecure. It's funny because when I talk to South Indian girls, they would say
“I'm so jealous because you have this fair skin, you have big eyes, you have that completely North Indian Punjabi look.”
That's when I realized:
Everyone wants what they can’t have. Everyone is constantly chasing after something they literally cannot have.
After seeing big influencers like Hamel Patel and Milan Mathew, I wonder:
Why aren’t we embracing like this beauty: it’s INSANE!
For example, Milan Mathew’s huge transformation video where she changed into South Asian clothes when she sat in the chair. I saw a bunch of white girls duetting the video and saying:
"Why are we the beauty standard? They are so gorgeous!"
And I think that's so true! Why aren’t we looking at this from a different lens? Just because they’re normalized doesn't mean we don’t have as much beauty!
I don't know what happened, but I stopped caring a lot about my appearance. I didn't care about how I looked because I got really comfortable with myself. Somedays, I'll have an idea for a TikTok and before, I would always have to put on makeup. But now, I’ll get up from my sleep at 4 am and I’m like, “I’m going to film a TikTok right now!”
I honestly don’t know how I became more confident. I honestly think it’s because of Brown TikTok and seeing these girls and feeling more empowered through them. Everyone has morning hair. Every deals with bushy brows. It’s not a big deal- it’s normal.
Talk to us about ✨Brown✨
When you're looking at those comments, the first thing anything thinks is “Oh a compliment! Thank you!”
But what makes ✨brown✨ and what makes brown? What are the differentiating factors between the two? I used to like those comments and take them as a compliment, but later I realized that other people are putting themselves down.
I like when people compliment me, but not when others put themselves down at the same time. People need to understand that there's not just one specific version of brown.
✨Everyone is Brown with sparkles✨
Could you describe your experiences with toxic aunties in the South Asian community and explain how that mindset is very harmful to our generation and future South Asian generations.
We've normalized aunties commenting on our weight, body, and education. If we take this out of perspective, and think about how a 55 year old woman is so curious about a 15 year old’s life, is that kind of creepy to you?
You’re 55 years old, why do you care about a 15 year old so much? Why are you commenting about this girl, and so curious about her life? We’ve normalized this so much in our culture.
I think aunties should be a motherly figure.
When they talk to you, it should be out of the genuineness of their heart. Because us South Asians are so competitive, we feel the need to be better than others. In that way, I feel like aunties are trying to bring up their own kid and make their children seem better.
I’ll go to a party and I’ll HATE how they’ll say, “You’re looking so healthy” We all know what that means.
It’s frustrating because instead of uplighting one another, the brown community continues to be toxic and put each other down.
We are one of the first generations to be born and brought up here. So I feel like we will be the change. We make fun of aunties so much, I’m praying that we don’t become like them because we recognize their toxicity.
Do you think the Brown Community on TikTok is toxic?
Honestly, it depends on what part you’re on. There’s a part where people are roasting each other, and calling each other out. It’s TikTok. It’s still a platform. I get it; it's more normalized, and people post more chill things. But it’s not your Snapchat Private Story. It’s still the media, and it’s still the public.
It depends what part of Brown TikTok you’re on. It can definitely be toxic. I try to steer away from the mainstream Brown TikTok. I like to think I’m on the side of Rakshan, Milan Mathew, and Aishwarya Reddy, and I enjoy their content more. I like watching Brown talent, like violin, singing, and fashion. We need to highlight South Asian talent on TikTok, because there’s a lot.
I think sometimes when you’re not involved, and you’re just sitting in the corner witnessing everything, adding a little bit of fire sounds fun. It’s because we’re bored. There’s a pandemic and we have no drama. So commenters at times fuel the toxicity for their sole entertainment. Comments are either super uplifting, or cut-throat.
When I got my first hate comments, I remember sitting in the Jewel-Osco parking lot sobbing and couldn’t even bring myself to go inside the store. Honestly, the more hate comments I got, the more desensitized I got by them. Now, I’ll just roll my eyes or just laugh at it.
What is your favorite part of being South Asian?
What is my favorite part about being South Asian if I’m being honest? I think the most beautiful part of being South Asian is the religion. As a religious Hindu, I believe the fundamental values of Hinduism and Buddhism are so beautiful.
Our religion is so beautiful; I consider Hinduism not as a religion, but as a way of life, and I feel that principles of meditations and being one with your mind is so amazing. I definitely want to learn more about it!
Before you go- Ashley wants to share an important resource with you! She's extremely passionate about Domestic Violence against women in India. The linked organization is one of Ashley's favorites; you can learn about domestic violence and also donate money too!
We hope you learned more about Ashley's perspective on South Asian Beauty Standards! Attached below are her social medias! There won't be a post this Sunday, but come back next Sunday to learn about South Asian Mental Health from a Therapist's POV!